this generation sure has been robust.

last time:

• the COLLEGE EPISODE
• severance star pickpocketed a lot of dormies and sometimes her sisters
• some pianos fell out of the sky
• star is heir

picking up right where we left off, severance star congratulates her mother.

severance star: good job giving birth to me, your greatest accomplishment!

sandry: mm, i have some doubts.


immediately after, she sneaked off to do some chaos.

severance star: i just want a peek


it went as well as it deserved to. also, sandry's spellbook apparently turned neutral just for this.

severance star: AHHHHHHHH


sandry: *sigh* okay, you nosy little shit. enjoy.


severance star: this has only reinforced my impulsiveness!

well, that's nice.


severance star: so, where does it tell you how to shoot bees?


sandry: anybody else smell that?

chlora: smell what? homf


with magical powers and a meal both squared away, star vacuumed off to GAYMES to seek out a mate.

severance star: the hell i did, i'm just here to punch dragons.


at least until barbie badgertree walked in.


severance star: yeah, that is a fine hunk of swamp ogre.


severance star: so, baby, ever had someone with real magic fingers root around in your vagina?

barbie badgertree: nope, and i'd love to keep it that way.


severance star: FINE I'LL HIT UP MY MOM'S ONLINE GIRLFRIEND SEE IF I CARE

amphitrite: teehee


star's a huge gossip. unfortunately for her, the only piece of gossip she knows is the time amanda peed on her boots in college. that's gonna get a lot of airtime.

severance star: ...and she pissed RIGHT ON MY BOOTS. can you believe it?


amphitrite: i cannot. CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL FHTAGN.

hmm.


scrampfle: this update is being devoid of me until now. how foul.


severance star, back at home: is it raining? ...it isn't? rad!


severance star: i know just the activity.


yeah, that tracks.

severance star: YAAAAAA


sandry: hey there good lookin', what's good cookin'?

chlora: giggle why nothing at all, i'm in the upstairs hallway without stove access!


severance star: hi. i'm a witch, but currently the stupid kind.

evil warlock: dip, dude. sucks. take my card.


star powered up with a fanta,


then went to do tHI S

there are no missing pictures betwixt these two. she has never spoken to little miss lemonsim before, nor even so much as laid eyes on her before today. i was not optimistic, but i also love a self-induced trainwreck, so you know i didn't cancel that shit!


severance star: can everyone see that speech bubble, or is it just me?

wait, you can see that?


severance star: yeah, but let's circle back to that. mmmFFFFFLFMNFP

kfhhjfkjhKJHFSKWIRUEFHG

are YOU SHITTING ME???


this is POST-kiss, by the way. before star walked up and planted both lips on fernie's, they'd NEVER EVEN MET.


fernie googol: what can i say, i'm a sucker for an assertive tongue!

severance star: i noticed, you were quite an active participant.


severance star: ...and then she peed.

fernie: gasp! where?!


severance star: on my shoes.

fernie: no!

amalthea and chickadee: smmnnnngrfglggh


severance star: ugh, you want me to gossip with her again? how plebian.

so stop autonomously doing it, dumbass


severance star: ...and THEN? she PEED. on my SHOES.

fernie: you fascinate me.


severance star: amanda PEED. UPONST. MINE SHOES.

fernie: that peasant!


severance star: MY SHOES. AMANDA. PEED ON THEM.

fernie: what a troglodyte!


severance star: i knew i'd be hot shit with the ladies. i just knew it.

it's coming as a bit of a surprise to me, i won't lie.


fernie: i will remember that kiss until my dying day.

severance star: hee hee hoo hoo roller blading


severance star: *does a lil twirl*


fernie: this grass looks sick.


fernie: THIS grass ALSO looks sick!!

severance star: ahh, there's my little tangerine turtledove.

it's raining. just so everyone's aware.


chickadee dentastyx: hey fernie-fernie-bo-bernie-banana-fana-fo-fernie, what's shaking? we still in crush?


fernie: yeppers

severance star: YOU BAG OF STUPID SLUT


severance star: —is what i'd say if my jealousy wasn't surprisingly low. tickle fight!

nothing about this trip to s k a t e s is going how i'd imagined. not complaining. just befuddled.


anyway, fernie eventually left, so we hoofed it back to GAYMES to see if she was there. by which i mean we vacuumed back to GAYMES, because severance star is a witch and has no intention of ever walking anywhere ever again.

severance star: hee hee hoo hoo a vehicle


fernie wasn't there. but ghouls 'n ghosts was.

severance star: that's almost as good.


amalthea: carnival masks.

severance star: that's a good point. that's a good point.


morning dawned, and we returned to s k a t e s.

barbie badgertree: ooh miss thistleburr ooh~

severance star: eh. 'm over it.


fernie arrived! but before star could reach her,

juiblex fruitsquish: helLO THERE, good madam! might i have just a few moments of your time to discuss HEDGEHOGS: the power source of TOMORROW?

fernie: eep!


star? you gonna protect your lady love?

severance star: nah, seems like she's got it handled.

fernie: that was my pizza money for the month


severance star: yo babe, you'll never guess what amanda from college did


severance star: smrnnflgglfph

fernie: swoon


bilberry: s'it raining out there?

severance star: yup.

bilberry: dip, dude. sucks.


severance star: HMONFF


they had themselves a sweet little slow dance by the corner of s k a t e s, for some reason, instead of partaking in any of the activities available inside.

it's fine. i'm fine.


all was going well.


then star attempted to lower her hands.

fernie: dude.

severance star: WHAT


thinking maybe fernie felt a little shy about booty grabbing at the literal roadside, star invited her back home, all the way across that very street.

fernie took EXTREME exception to this, and ended the date on the spot.


and straight up left s k a t e s entirely! i have never had this happen before. love it.


twenty feet to the right, back in her own front yard, severance star called fernie on the phone and invited her to her house for another date right the heck now.

fernie: sure


severance star: HMORRRRNNFFMPH


they: smrrlgdnffnmpharglrgl

neat


where ya goin', ferns?


ohh. sick.

severance star: right?

yellsps: AHHHAHHHHH


fernie: bitch, are you a wizard? cuz them fingers are magic.

severance star: witch actually.

fernie: coolio


fernie: welp, guess i live here now


severance star: sick. i pulled it off!

you did, somehow. i still can't believe that first kiss landed.

severance star: right??


meanwhile, upstairs, 1) who by all the eels of hell are you and b) how did you get in?

mistem: 1) mistem b) front door

checks out, i guess


they: hee hee hoo hoo a romance


in the kitchen, chlora, internationally and wildly successful celebrity chef, sprays bits of lobster everywhere, and then it got worse.


chlora: oh, um. hmm.

fortunately for her, she studied fire safety at some point, apparently.


chlora: FOR ALL THE GOOD IT'S DOING!


no worries, ceiling friend will get it.

sandry: hey honey is this a bad time


sandry: cuz i think i'm having a stroke


nope, a birthday.

sandry: oh, phew! that's much more celebratory.

chlora: *soft, soaked weeping*


hey girl, are you sure taking a bubblebath is really the nourishment your soul requires right now?

chlora: definitely, why?


in the basement, PILLOW ANARCHY


followed by SMDFNDFFRNNNNNNMMGFLRFGL


mistem, you still here?

mistem, still here: yerb


chlora: you know, i can hardly believe this, but i think i might be... starving to death?

imagine.


chlora: no choice but to sleep it off, i guess.

that's certainly one of your available options.


mistem, get out of the all-in-one bathroom pod.

mistem: no, it's hygienic


severance star: something tells me some bitch is flooding my ensuite.


severance star: oh wait, it's not attached to my room. not my problem!

chlora: i NEED to EAT some FOOD


chlora: by the way, sweetie, i never congratulated you on your college degree! way to go.

severance star: my thanks, mother. i AM degreed.


chlora: playing with scrampfle will surely feed my belly!

scrampfle: hohoho! no.


chlora: omigosh, it's raining!! you know how i love that!

you are standing IN THE KITCHEN!


chlora: oh my god, you're right! i can't sleep off the hunger in there.


mistem: what the fuck, you guys are wretched hosts!

so LEAVE


chlora: maybe i can bounce away the nibblies.


chlora: no? perhaps i'll find nourishment in art.

find nourishment in food


chlora: surely this time the trampoline will provide!


it didn't.

chlora: however, i can always count on my bed!


i think she was legit about to starve to death, but then she abruptly remembered the chips.

chlora: oh man! food? is AWESOME! i should do this more often!


fernie: you really should, mrs. thistleburr. here, i made you some pop tarts.

chlora: who are you?


sandry: hey, girls, could i scoot past you to the bathroom?

they: SMMMEKERGLKEFMFFN


fernie: hello, scrampfle! i've heard so much about you.

scrampfle: approval


severance star: OH SHITFGULFFF


sandry's still hard at work on her sophomore novel. i haven't forgotten the plot this time! it's ladybugs. it's all about ladybugs.


severance star: *SNORRRK mimimimimi*


fernie: perfect time to read pornography


fernie: oh man, the kiss in this book is almost as good as the one severance star plopped on me at s k a t e s! almost.

severance star: *struggles bravely to have a dream*


my cat makes this exact same face in real life.

scrampfle: ohoho, how droll!


so, turns out remembering the plot structure of sandry's book didn't do us any favors.


sandry: i hope this one does better than the other one.

i really don't see how it couldn't.


THEN I MISCLICKED THROUGH THE POPUP but it was bad, the book bombed again. because obviously it did.

sandry:

[['the sound of silence' playing unnervingly close by]]


chlora: what a lovely card that has been sent to ME, FOR me, by fernie googol, a person i don't know and have never dated! yep, this sure is for me.


sandry: oh dip, you having an affair? :D

chlora: apparently!


deliveryperson: here's your dumbass ladybug book, nerd


sandry: i hate today |D


she wanted to make friends with mistem, for some reason, so she gave her a call from the piss-colored bathroom.

sandry: hey bitch you're my new best friend


downstairs, chlora's doing important work

chlora: these dishes ain't gonna fart on themselves, overlord! believe me, i've given them plenty of opportunity.


oh hey, chlora made it to her birthday! way to go, bitch. i was sure you were dead meat for awhile yesterday.

chlora: lol right?


chlora: first things first


well, good for she.

hopefully next update will be 3.1 or i might have to commit a crime out of sheer frustration!